Hot Buttered Death

I wanna die just like Jesus Christ... with the radio on


Saturday, March 02, 2002

The "anatomically correct Oscar™" billboard. I must admit to not usually caring when it comes to folks whinging about discrimination, but this is too good to pass up.


"I can smell your brains." Redefining the phrase "seriously fucked-up shit". Don't miss the sequel, too.


German man claims new ten-euro notes are making him impotent. Oddly, other denominations don't seem to be causing any trouble for him, and even more oddly he's not the only one. Apparently there's some chemical used in the manufacture only of the ten-euro note which may be causing it; maybe they'll replace it with Viagra...


September 11 conspiracy theories claiming the US gov't engineered the WTC attacks somehow only serve to distract people from the real shit they pull. And yes, I could just abbreviate it to 9/11, but I am not American and refuse to give into their dating methods. 9/11 is November 9th, as far as I'm concerned.


And yes, strike three for religious tolerance against me, because I'm picking on a guy for being a creationist. But at least I'm not urging him to turn to non-belief in the same way he urges you to abandon evolution and trust in God. And some people might dispute his statement about Jesus being "the Creator"; last time I looked, it was God who's supposed to have created the universe, not Jesus (and don't give me any of that Father = Son = Holy Ghost shit either)...


Provide empirical proof of evolution and win $250,000. There's a slight catch involved, in that I don't think such a thing is possible (isn't evolution supposed to be over long stretches of time, and hence not really noticeable over short periods?), but also the man offering the cash is a creationist evangelist, so even if you could find proof he would no doubt refuse to believe it.


American university newspaper in trouble for "Islam Sucks" editorial. Strike two for religious tolerance. Read the original piece here, and don't blame me if it offends you.


Gennifer Flowers blames the Clintons for killing off her career in entertainment. So sleeping your way to the top clearly has undesireable effects on occasion...


Taco Bell sprung inventing reviews for their products. Have they simply been following Sony Pictures' lead, or are they indeed just doing a spot of harmless parody as they claim?


Is someone you know a stoner? Here are some possible warning signs. And do watch that wonderful public service film Reefer Madness to be sure you get the full dope on dope!


Sri Lankan woman discovers her husband is actually a woman too. Only took three months of marriage to work it out, too.


American media gripped by a Jewish stranglehold, according to Billy Graham. Strike one for religious tolerance, eh. Admittedly he said that in conversation with Richard Nixon thirty years ago, though I wonder if he'd seriously revise that view or not these days...


What Would Jesus Surf? Yes, the Vatican wants to make full use of our beloved Internet to spread their "moral wisdom". And they're in favour of free exchanges of information and against censorship? That makes a change.


Friday, March 01, 2002

Flash animation: what's wrong with this picture? Hint. You need to look at it for a minute or so to work out what it is. And turn your speakers up.


Dutch TV station invites two dead poets to be part of a new game show. What makes this even more peculiar is that the said poets both died in the 1960s. You'd think whoever was doing the research would've picked up on that, but clearly not...


Mix tapes the latest romantic accessory. Nothing new there, though I'm mildly amazed to see Hamburg University actually has a class on mixtaping as part of their ethnological studies thing...


V.S. Naipaul "over" colonialism and other trifling matters. Who cares? Not I, not really. But it looked like there was going to be a pretty good fight for a few moments there...


Even one of the actors in Black Hawk Down reckons it's a sham. Sony Pictures are unamused. Still, people seem to feel a need for this sort of heroic bullshit in times like this, so who cares what Brendan Sexton says? He only acted in it...


Is the Bush administration's War on Terror™ really a kind of war against his own people? Howard Zinn certainly reckons so. I don't know, though. While I'm totally unconvinced as to the merits of the War on Terror™ myself, something within me still reckons there's a fair bit of Marxist paranoid overreaction at work here...


Terrorism is the new communism. Not that we really needed Yellow Times to tell us this, though, surely...


Alleged punk digs capitalism. Next: Rancid change their name to Rand-cid and release concept album based on "Atlas Shrugged".


Jesse Jackson organisation could lose tax-exempt status. I kind of agree with what he says about how we're in danger from the right-wing taking over government, media, etc, but I think there may be a slightly simpler reason for his current trouble (i.e. not paying his damn taxes) than a political conspiracy against him...


Giant-size loony right-wing militia massacre plot uncovered in Montana. I give them a week before they announce these people had Al Qaeda connections. After all, Timothy McVeigh notwithstanding, Americans don't plot acts of terrorism like that, do they?


Seems it was aliens, not drugs, that helped Johann Muehlegg at the winter Olympics. I don't know that I'd rule out the influence of drugs elsewhere in his life, though...


George Bush the elder forced to apologise to northern California residents. I wonder what the good folks of Marin County were most offended by: being called a bunch of hot-tubbers, or having everyone's favourite all-American terrorist John Walker Lindh compared to them.


Johnny Cash to cover Nine Inch Nails song (third story on page). Can you imagine the Man in Black telling you he wants to fuck you like an animal? And happy 70th birthday to the old man, too...


New York cops get off with buggering a prisoner with a broomstick. Clearly even confessing to something isn't enough to get your ass slung in jail these days...


CBS asked not to show documentary with footage of World Trade Centre. A man from some advisory board says it could be disruptive of the healing process. Bombing the shit out of a backwards country is much more conducive to getting over the horror of September 11, obviously.


Wednesday, February 27, 2002

Richard Carleton weeps for the former Yugoslavia. Maybe they wouldn't let him take his supply of smoked salmon to Bosnia with him, like he did in East Timor...


The old Gay Mardi Gras, she aint what she used to be. The Saturday night post-parade party isn't selling out like it normally does. The world awaits tedious commentary from people like Piers Akerman self-righteously claiming that the public have finally seen through the fraud of the homosexual industry, etc...


Man legally changes name to Playstation2. Should've taken "Fuckhead" for a surname while he was at it.


Are you a celebrity with political convictions and a desire to express them? Then scroll down for a handy checklist to help you determine whether or not you should do so!


Martian moon an alien spacecraft? So said some of former president Eisenhower's scientific advisers in the 1950s...


Tuesday, February 26, 2002

Aint this the truth...





You Are

When The Levee Breaks



You are a dominating person.  People don't stand in your way. Everybody basically does what you say. And if they don't, they better start, or you just might have one of your henchmen kill them.

Just like "When the Levee Breaks" dominates Led Zeppelin IV, you dominate your world. You don't have time for nonsense (it's surprising you even took this quiz) and you would love to be dictator of the world someday.

You are dark and scary, and you probably don't at all care about this quiz, if you even bothered to read your results.


Take the Which Led Zeppelin Song Are You? Quiz



When children attack! And all the mother would say was "yeah, he does that sometimes". Thank you, madam, for only reinforcing my belief that the majority of people these days simply should not be permitted to have children.


Ben Alexander warns of the dangers of meddling with the occult. As a former medium, he'd presumably know. What annoys me is this line from the article: "even Christians are being sucked into spiritualism and the occult." Like, a guy rising from the dead after three days is somehow not occult?


A comet discovered at the start of this month may have been the one seen by the Aztecs before the Spanish arrived. According to the author of this piece, Planet X also exists and Pluto and Charon are really a double planet. He must have more up-to-date sources than most folks, eh? Of course, I'd ask why the Hubble telescope can discover things hundreds and thousands of light-years away, and yet has so far entirely missed another planet in our own solar system?


Scientist claims El Dorado actually existed, and has a document to prove it. Next: Alan Alford finds documentary evidence of alien gods tampering with humanity 250,000 years ago.


Man sues for the right to visit his library with no shoes. According to him wearing no shoes is a form of self-expression. So when he wears shoes to his court hearing, what's that expressing?


Tom Cruise gets dental braces. Just when you thought all Hollywood stars had perfect teeth. However, he'll be removing them while filming, thus maintaining that illusion. No word on whether the braces are Scientologically sound...


America's Founding Fathers not a bunch of fine Christian gentlemen, despite what that worrying person John Ashcroft says.


Monday, February 25, 2002

Bookmakers place 1000-1 bet that David Beckham and Posh Spice's next child will be called Nightclub Toilet. I can only presume the person who came up with that one is intimately acquainted with them (i.e. nightclub toilets, not the Beckhams)...


Cliff Richard fans queue eight days for concert tickets. One even had her first grandchild while she was waiting. There is no polite way to describe these people except to use the words "fucking freaks".


Kathleen Turner says men under 29 "lack conversation". Given that I have two years to go before I can possibly say anything of interest, it might've been nice of her to explain why such an odd number and how men suddenly "acquire" conversation at 29. Do they get it as a birthday present or something?


Scottish parents not happy about nurseries electronically tagging their kids. Next up: laws requiring babies to be barcoded in the womb...


Sunday, February 24, 2002

Who's your personal philosopher? (Note: test seems to not work properly using Opera. IE is advised.) I was surprised to get these results:


  1. Sartre (100%)
  2. Kant (84%)
  3. Mill (81%)
  4. Noddings (75%)
  5. Rand (71%)
  6. Bentham (65%)
  7. Epicureans (61%)
  8. Hobbes (58%)
  9. Nietzsche (58%)
  10. Prescriptivism (57%)
  11. Spinoza (56%)
  12. Hume (52%)
  13. Aristotle (48%)
  14. Stoics (45%)
  15. Aquinas (44%)
  16. Cynics (38%)
  17. Augustine (32%)
  18. Ockham (24%)
  19. Plato (19%)

The fuck? Sartre? Moi? RAND? How the hell did I get so close to that self-centred right-wing bigot? What are Nietzsche and Spinoza doing so far down the list? And who the hell is this Noddings person?


That's All, Folks: RIP Chuck Jones, 1912-2002.


Dubya wants to restrict the amount of investigation into the US government's response to September 11. Is it, as Dick Cheney says, that Shrub doesn't want to take resources away from the blessed War on Terrorism™, or is it that he's afraid of what the investigation might find?


Intriguing piece on the rise and rise of new religions. Which God will be the next great smash hit? I was interested to observe Rodney Howard-Browne listed here; he's a comical Florida-based preacher who crops up on community TV channel 31 here late on Sunday nights; I knew he went in for those big seminar type of things where you get a thousand odd people in a big auditorium, but didn't know he was part of an official "New Religious Movement"...


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